The profound wisdom of feminist icon Gloria Steinem, even in casual conversation, often carried the weight of decades of advocacy and incisive societal observation. In a quiet moment during a taxi ride, as shared by writer Erin Grau, Steinem imparted a philosophy of parenthood that resonates deeply with the challenges and aspirations of modern child-rearing: the fundamental task is to "discover who our daughters are—and build a world that deserves them." This seemingly simple statement encapsulates a radical call to action, urging parents and society alike to prioritize individual identity and actively dismantle systemic barriers for future generations.
The Genesis of a Guiding Principle
Erin Grau, a fellow at Gloria’s Foundation, recounts the moment in a New York City taxi when Steinem, known for her ability to distill complex truths into accessible wisdom, offered this pivotal advice concerning Grau’s daughters, Matilda and Frankie. While Steinem herself did not have biological children, her role as a universal "mother figure" to the feminist movement and her profound understanding of human potential made her counsel particularly impactful. Her memoir, My Life on the Road, details her unique method of gaining perspective through conversations with taxi drivers, a testament to her belief in the wisdom found in everyday interactions and diverse viewpoints. It was this same spirit of curiosity and connection that she extended to Grau’s daughters, imagining "the adventures of Matilda and Frankie" upon their first meeting and later sharing her cherished first edition of Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women with Matilda.
Little Women, a narrative central to Steinem’s own formative years, served as a powerful allegory for her lifelong mission. The book, exploring themes of agency, ambition, and societal constraints on women, profoundly influenced Steinem’s worldview regarding who is afforded the right to earn, to decide, and to pursue personal desires. For Steinem, stories were not mere entertainment but vital vehicles for empathy, allowing individuals to "stand in someone else’s life, imagine new worlds." This emphasis on narrative highlights her belief in the power of shared experiences and imagined futures to drive social change.
Discovering Individual Identity: A Parental Imperative
Steinem’s first directive—to "discover who our daughters are"—is a powerful counterpoint to historical and ongoing pressures on girls to conform to predefined roles. For generations, girls have been subtly, and often overtly, steered towards certain behaviors, interests, and life paths deemed "appropriate" by societal norms. This often involves sacrificing authentic self-expression for acceptance or perceived security.
Modern developmental psychology strongly supports Steinem’s emphasis on fostering authentic self-discovery. Research indicates that children thrive when given the space to explore their interests, express their unique personalities, and develop a strong sense of self without undue external pressure. For instance, studies published in journals like Child Development consistently show that children with a strong sense of self-efficacy and intrinsic motivation are more resilient, achieve higher academic outcomes, and report greater overall well-being. Conversely, forcing children into prescribed molds can lead to anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of purpose later in life.
The challenge for parents, as Steinem implicitly suggests, is to cultivate a radical form of curiosity—to ask more questions, to listen more closely, and to practice profound empathy. This involves actively observing a child’s innate leanings, celebrating their unique strengths, and supporting their passions, even if they diverge from parental expectations or traditional gender stereotypes. For instance, a 2023 report by the American Psychological Association highlighted the increasing mental health crisis among adolescent girls, partly attributed to immense social and academic pressures, and the pervasive influence of social media promoting unrealistic ideals. Giving girls the agency to define themselves, rather than internalizing external narratives, is crucial for their psychological health.
Building a World That Deserves Them: Systemic Change as a Parental Duty
Steinem’s second, equally vital, mandate—to "build a world that deserves them"—extends the responsibility beyond the individual family unit to the broader societal landscape. It acknowledges that even the most empowered and self-aware individual will face formidable challenges if the world around them remains unequal and unjust.
Steinem lived long enough to witness both significant strides in the feminist movement and subsequent "cultural backlashes," including a renewed emphasis on traditional gender roles. She viewed progress and regression not as endpoints but as dynamic phases in an ongoing struggle. Her observation that "family, Gloria told me, is too often the birthplace of inequality" highlights the insidious ways gender disparities are perpetuated from the earliest stages of life, often through unequal division of labor, socialization into gendered expectations, and the disproportionate burden placed on women for caregiving.
Data consistently supports Steinem’s assertion. The global gender pay gap, for example, persists, with women earning significantly less than men for comparable work across most sectors. In the United States, women typically earn 82 cents for every dollar earned by men, a figure that is even lower for women of color. Furthermore, women continue to shoulder a disproportionate share of unpaid labor, including housework and childcare, a phenomenon often referred to as the "mental load." A 2022 study by the Council on Contemporary Families found that mothers spend significantly more time on childcare and household management than fathers, even when both parents work full-time. These systemic inequalities limit women’s economic independence, career advancement, and overall well-being, directly impacting the "adventures" girls might envision for themselves.
The call to "build a world that deserves them" therefore necessitates active engagement in systemic change. This includes advocating for policies that promote gender equality, such as universal paid family leave, affordable childcare, equal pay legislation, and robust protections against discrimination. It also involves challenging gender stereotypes in education, media, and popular culture, ensuring that girls see diverse role models and pathways open to them. The work of organizations like Gloria’s Foundation, which focuses on advancing the feminist movement and preserving Steinem’s legacy as a hub for activism, exemplifies this ongoing commitment to societal transformation.
Steinem’s Enduring Legacy: Hope Amidst Unfinished Business
Steinem’s enduring message is one of persistent hope and "beautiful responsibility," as activist Amy Richards, her close friend and collaborator, describes it. She acknowledged the frustrations of a world still far from achieving true equality but urged continued effort, dismissing complacency as "boring." This perspective provides a framework for understanding both past struggles and future endeavors in the fight for gender equity.
The poignant image of Erin Grau and her daughters, Matilda and Frankie (now 12 and 9), returning to Steinem’s apartment after her passing, leaving a copy of Little Women and a yellow taxi ornament, symbolizes the intergenerational transfer of this vital mission. The sidewalk chalk art—a huge heart with "We shall walk in your light," Matilda’s taxi cab and Steinem portrait, and Frankie’s carefully drawn book—illustrates not only personal grief but also a collective commitment to carrying forward Steinem’s "unfinished business."
The presence of other mothers and daughters sharing knowing nods on the sidewalk underscores the widespread impact of Steinem’s philosophy. It signifies a shared understanding of the dual responsibility: to nurture the unique spark within each girl and to collectively strive for a world where that spark can ignite into its fullest potential, unconstrained by outdated norms or systemic injustices. The final image of Matilda and Frankie "running ahead" into this "unfinished business" serves as a powerful testament to the ongoing journey, a future shaped by the adventures they will forge in a world increasingly worthy of them.
In essence, Gloria Steinem’s advice transcends simple parenting tips; it is a blueprint for conscious living and active citizenship. It calls for an introspective journey to understand and empower individual girls, coupled with an outward-looking commitment to transform the societal structures that either limit or liberate them. This dual approach ensures that as children grow into their authentic selves, they are met by a world that not only recognizes their worth but actively champions their boundless possibilities.
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