The journal, which remained a private family artifact for over three decades, has now been expanded and published, offering a rare glimpse into the psychological preparation of a career officer facing high-intensity combat. Retired Lieutenant General Mark Hertling’s work serves as both a historical record of the 1991 Gulf War and a philosophical treatise on leadership, morality, and the "moral injury" often sustained in the theater of war.
Historical Context: The Spearhead of VII Corps
The geopolitical climate of late 1990 was defined by the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait and the subsequent formation of a massive international coalition. Major Hertling’s deployment was part of a strategic shift in November 1990, when the Bush administration decided to double the size of the U.S. force in the Middle East to provide a "credible offensive option." This involved moving the VII Corps—the U.S. Army’s primary heavy armored formation—from its Cold War garrisons in Germany to the Saudi Arabian desert.
As an operations officer (S3) for a cavalry squadron, Hertling occupied a role that Clausewitzian theory defines as the "eyes and ears" of the commander. Cavalry units are designed to operate forward of the main body of the division, identifying enemy positions and screening the movement of larger armored formations. This forward positioning is what led intelligence officers to project the devastating 50 percent casualty rate. At the time, the Iraqi Army was considered the fourth largest in the world, equipped with thousands of Soviet-made tanks and hardened by eight years of war with Iran. The fear of chemical weapons and entrenched "Saddam Line" defenses created a grim outlook for the units tasked with the initial breach.
A Chronology of Service and the Journal’s Evolution
The timeline of the journal reflects the broader trajectory of the U.S. military’s involvement in the Middle East over the last quarter-century.
- August 1990 – November 1990: The Iraqi invasion of Kuwait triggers the deployment of the 82nd Airborne Division. Hertling, stationed in Germany, receives word of his deployment via a televised address by Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney.
- January – February 1991: Operation Desert Storm begins with an air campaign, followed by the "100-Hour" ground war. Hertling writes daily in his journal, documenting the "controlled chaos" of armored maneuvers across the desert.
- 1991 – 2013: Hertling returns safely and continues a distinguished 38-year career. He serves as an assistant division commander in Baghdad during the Iraq War and later commands the 1st Armored Division during the "Surge" of 2007–2008. He concludes his career as the Commanding General of U.S. Army Europe.
- Christmas 2024: Hertling’s youngest son, Scott, presents him with a digitized manuscript of the wartime journal. The son’s initiative to transcribe his father’s difficult handwriting becomes the catalyst for the book’s publication.
The transition from a 1991 major to a retired three-star general allowed Hertling to enrich the original entries with "reflections" that bridge the gap between a young officer’s fears and a seasoned commander’s wisdom.
Tactical Planning and the "Friction" of War
A significant portion of the book focuses on the rigors of military planning, utilizing the theories of Carl von Clausewitz. Hertling emphasizes the concept of "friction"—the unforeseen difficulties that accumulate and make the simplest tasks nearly impossible in a combat environment. In the journal, Hertling describes drawing attack diagrams for his sons, not to glorify the violence, but to explain the necessity of preparation.
In the professional military sphere, this type of planning is often referred to as "Branches and Sequels." It requires leaders to anticipate every possible deviation from the primary plan. Hertling’s narrative illustrates that while "plans are useless" once the first shot is fired, the "planning process" is what provides a unit the flexibility to survive. This philosophy, he argues, is equally applicable to the corporate world and personal life, where maintaining a "safety net" of contingencies is essential for mitigating risk.
Moral Injury and the Human Cost of Combat
One of the most profound sections of the work involves an entry that Hertling admits he initially obfuscated. During a post-war clearing operation of Iraqi bunkers, Hertling encountered a lone Iraqi soldier. In a split-second confrontation, Hertling fired his sidearm, killing the man. Upon inspecting the body, he discovered the soldier’s helmet contained a photograph of a wife and two young daughters—a mirror image of the family Hertling himself was writing to protect.
This incident is analyzed through the lens of "moral injury," a term increasingly used by the Department of Veterans Affairs to describe the psychological distress resulting from actions that transgress deeply held moral beliefs. Hertling’s decision to "fess up" to the details of this event decades later serves as a lesson for his sons—who both went on to serve in the military—about the lifelong weight of taking a human life. It highlights the reality that even "justified" actions in war leave lasting scars on the victor.
Leadership and Personal Discipline: The "Make it Matter" Box
Beyond the battlefield, the book details the daily habits that sustain a leader over a long career. Hertling introduces a practice he shares with other high-ranking officers, including former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Martin Dempsey: the "Make it Matter" box. This box contains index cards with the names and photographs of soldiers killed under his command.
By reviewing these cards daily, Hertling maintains a connection to the human cost of leadership decisions. He links this to other forms of discipline, such as the "lost art" of the handwritten note. In an era of ephemeral digital communication, Hertling argues that physical letters provide a tangible legacy and a deeper emotional resonance. He cites General Dempsey’s habit of writing a daily note to an arbitrary service member as the gold standard for maintaining a connection between the highest echelons of power and the soldiers on the front lines.
The Philosophical Foundation: "Build Me a Son"
The book concludes by reflecting on General Douglas MacArthur’s famous prayer, "Build Me a Son." This prayer, which Hertling’s sons now display in their own homes, outlines a vision of masculinity defined by humility, compassion, and the strength to face one’s own weaknesses.
Hertling’s analysis of the prayer serves as a critique of modern cultural trends that prioritize "swagger and hubris" over character. The prayer’s request to lead a son "not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenges" is central to Hertling’s parenting and leadership philosophy. He posits that failure is an essential component of growth, and that a father’s role is not to prevent failure, but to provide the moral framework for a son to navigate it.
Broader Implications and Analysis
The publication of If I Don’t Return arrives at a time of renewed interest in the lessons of the Gulf War, as modern conflicts in Europe and the Middle East mirror the large-scale maneuvers of the early 1990s. From a journalistic perspective, Hertling’s work provides a crucial link between the "Jedi Knights"—the group of elite planners from the School of Advanced Military Studies (SAMS) who designed the Desert Storm offensive—and the subsequent generations of officers who led the Global War on Terror.
The book’s reception suggests a growing appetite for "authentic leadership" narratives that eschew the polished veneer of traditional military memoirs. By including his raw, unedited fears from 1991 alongside his mature reflections, Hertling provides a roadmap for "building a man" that is rooted in vulnerability and ethical rigor.
Furthermore, the data regarding veteran mental health underscores the importance of Hertling’s discussion on moral injury. With a significant percentage of post-9/11 veterans reporting symptoms of PTSD and moral distress, the general’s openness about seeking psychiatric counseling serves as a high-profile effort to destigmatize mental health care within the military community.
In conclusion, If I Don’t Return is more than a wartime diary; it is a longitudinal study of how the experience of war matures over a lifetime. It documents the transition of a major facing a 50 percent casualty rate into a general who understands that the true measure of a career is not found in the battles won, but in the character of the sons—and grandsons—left behind. As Hertling notes, the ultimate goal of any leader or parent is to reach the end of their journey and be able to say, in the words of MacArthur, "I have not lived in vain."
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