The profound wisdom of feminist icon Gloria Steinem continues to resonate deeply within the discourse of modern parenting, particularly through her assertion that the primary role of a parent is to "discover who our daughters are—and build a world that deserves them." This pivotal insight, shared casually in the back of a taxi with author and activist Erin Grau, underscores a philosophy that champions individual identity and societal transformation, even after Steinem’s recent passing. The sentiment, now a guiding principle for Grau and many others, highlights an enduring legacy focused on nurturing authentic selves and advocating for an equitable future.
The Genesis of a Guiding Principle
The conversation that sparked this enduring advice occurred in December 2025, as Erin Grau, an inaugural resident of Gloria’s Foundation, shared a taxi with Steinem following a holiday gathering in downtown Manhattan. Grau, a mother to daughters Matilda, 12, and Frankie, 9, often found their discussions drifting to the topic of her children. It was during one such moment, as their vehicle navigated the FDR highway, that Steinem imparted her wisdom with characteristic gravitas, urging Grau to prioritize the discovery of her daughters’ intrinsic identities.
Steinem, renowned for her unique approach to understanding the world by engaging with local taxi drivers, often sought out diverse perspectives, a practice she chronicled in her acclaimed memoir, My Life on the Road. This book, which she personally signed for Grau’s daughters during their initial meeting, ignited Steinem’s imagination, leading her to muse aloud about "the adventures of Matilda and Frankie." Years later, this intergenerational connection blossomed further during Grau’s residency at Steinem’s foundation, an organization dedicated to advancing the feminist movement and preserving Steinem’s historic Manhattan apartment, a hub for activism for nearly six decades. It was in Steinem’s living room, amidst discussions on women, AI, and power, that Matilda, accompanied by her mother, experienced a poignant moment. Over hot chocolate and holiday cookies, Steinem shared her cherished first edition of Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women, a book that profoundly shaped her worldview on ambition, autonomy, and societal roles. The scene, marked by Steinem cradling the book to her heart, was mirrored by the girls’ thoughtful Christmas gift to her: a yellow taxi ornament, symbolizing her adventurous spirit.
Cultivating Identity: Seeing the World Through Children’s Eyes
Steinem’s emphasis on "discovering who our daughters are" challenges conventional parenting narratives that often focus on shaping children into predefined molds. Instead, her philosophy aligns with developmental psychology’s recognition of the critical importance of fostering autonomy and self-awareness from an early age. Research consistently shows that children who are encouraged to explore their interests and express their unique personalities develop higher self-esteem and resilience. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, for instance, indicated that children whose parents actively listen and validate their feelings tend to exhibit stronger emotional regulation and problem-solving skills, mirroring Steinem’s belief in radical empathy.
For Steinem, stories were not mere entertainment but powerful vehicles for empathy and imagination. Little Women, with its narratives of sisters navigating economic hardship, personal aspirations, and the constraints of 19th-century gender roles, offered a blueprint for understanding societal structures and the pursuit of individual agency. Steinem famously articulated that "facts are easy to forget; stories stay with us," for they compel individuals to "stand in someone else’s life, imagine new worlds." This perspective highlights the role of literature and shared narratives in broadening horizons and fostering critical thought, a skill Steinem herself exemplified throughout her life. She saw children as innate philosophers, unburdened by the status quo, constantly questioning "why it’s like this and what else it could be." To truly discover her children, Grau realized she needed to emulate Steinem’s profound curiosity, asking more questions, listening more intently, and practicing the radical empathy Steinem championed. This approach, as Steinem suggested, empowers children to forge their own paths, unconstrained by preconceived notions.
The Imperative to Build a Deserving World
Beyond individual self-discovery, Steinem’s advice extended to a collective responsibility: "to do the work of building a world that deserves them." This second tenet addresses the systemic barriers and inequalities that can hinder girls from realizing their full potential. Steinem, having witnessed the ebb and flow of feminist progress throughout her decades of activism, was acutely aware of the "cultural backlash to feminism’s achievements" and the "renewed celebration of the traditional wife and mother."
For example, data from the World Economic Forum’s 2024 Global Gender Gap Report indicates that while progress has been made, significant disparities persist in economic participation, political empowerment, educational attainment, and health outcomes globally. In many developed nations, women continue to face pay gaps, underrepresentation in leadership roles, and a disproportionate burden of unpaid care work. A 2022 Pew Research Center study revealed that a significant percentage of parents, particularly mothers, report feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to juggle career and family responsibilities, often due to a lack of robust societal support systems. Steinem’s assertion that "family is too often the birthplace of inequality" directly confronts these systemic issues, emphasizing that true equality must be fostered from the ground up, starting within the home and extending to broader societal structures.
Despite these challenges, Steinem maintained an unwavering sense of hope, viewing progress and regression not as permanent states but as dynamic phases in an ongoing struggle. She famously told Grau that a static world "would be boring otherwise," granting permission to feel frustration at the persistent inequalities while holding onto optimism. This perspective echoes the long-term view required for social change, a "beautiful responsibility," as her close friend and collaborator, activist Amy Richards, described it. Steinem’s ultimate wish for Matilda and Frankie, and for all girls, was a world expansive enough to accommodate their dreams and ambitions, rather than one where they would be forced to diminish themselves to fit.
An Enduring Legacy and Unfinished Business
Gloria Steinem passed away in early September 2026, leaving behind a monumental legacy that continues to inspire. Just days after her death, Erin Grau and her daughters made a pilgrimage to Steinem’s apartment, joining countless others in a spontaneous outpouring of grief and gratitude. They left a copy of Little Women among the hundreds of flowers, a symbolic gesture connecting Steinem’s foundational literary influence to the future generations she championed. Frankie, then nine, penned a simple, heartfelt note: "Thank you, Gloria."
On the sidewalk outside, amidst a collective vigil, Matilda drew her best taxi cab and a portrait of Steinem with her signature aviator glasses, while Frankie meticulously sketched a book. The presence of other mothers and daughters, exchanging knowing nods and smiles, underscored the communal impact of Steinem’s life and work. It was a silent affirmation of a shared commitment to the "unfinished business" of feminism, a journey that Matilda and Frankie, now 12 and 9, embody as they run ahead, embarking on their own "adventures."
Erin Grau, through her role as an inaugural fellow of Gloria’s Foundation, is actively engaged in carrying forward Steinem’s vision, working at the intersection of women, technology, and power. Her commitment, and the collective efforts of countless others, ensures that Steinem’s call to discover and empower future generations of women remains a vibrant, ongoing movement. The legacy of Gloria Steinem is not just a historical footnote; it is a living mandate for parents and activists worldwide to nurture the potential within every child and to tirelessly work towards a world truly deserving of them.
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